What animal would you like to see domesticated?

6.01.2011

writing

I'm going to start using this as a platform for my writing. Here are two versions of a poem I wrote, one strictly imagist and the other I deviate from the imagist values.

brown, used coffee grounds
cover the surface of a blue and green trash bin
morning mist
sticks to the man in gray
drinking from a mug


or



Brown, used coffee grounds
are piled up to the edge of the rim
on our blue and green trash bin.
Hazy morning mist sticks to the man
wearing the gray flannel suit
standing on the corner
drinking from a mug
alone.

41 comments:

  1. First one. The second one is too 'meaty'.
    Less words is usually better in poetry :).

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  2. nice stuff :) cant wait for more

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  3. Ah.. gotta say the second one.

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  4. I saw the cats, and i instantly liked this

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  5. This is very good :) But my god.. that is the CUTEST cat picture I have ever seen!!

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  6. OMG the cats' picture is sooo cute :3

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  7. Shaq Duh! That is awesome Great pic!

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  8. Kittens are cute, followed for more :)

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  9. Second one! And tiger, of course.

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  10. I prefer the second one, but they're both lovely!

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  11. Deep man. Personally prefer the second one. Following for more!

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  12. This is quite interesting; same poem but in different views. Nice blog btw, following!

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  13. i prefer the second one.. keep it up.

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  14. The second one is better, but they both sort of have a forced tone about it, not sure...

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  15. I like the 2nd one. new to your blog - I like it!

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  16. That was great, I'm following!

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  17. Really tough to decide which one I like more!

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  18. I would have to say the first one is the better of the two.

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  19. I like the first. But both are good.

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  20. Sweet - although I liked the second one more!

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  21. I'm a little torn, they're both good!

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  22. wouldn't let me comment on your most recent post for some reason. anyway your blog is awesome!
    +followed

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