Here is a complaint I just submitted to Subway.
Dear Subway Franchise,
I was recently poisoned by your sandwiches. How do I know for sure it was your sandwiches? Well, to answer that question I am going to need to go into a bit of detail. It all started a few days ago (Oct. 24th) when I realized I only had approx. 200 dollars left on my meal card to get me through Dec. 21st (I am a student at the prestigious University of Alberta). Upon realizing this, I decided to plot out my counter attack. Now, on campus, pretty much everything is overpriced except one thing: Subway sandwiches. So I decided that I would only eat Subway until my cash flow was depleted. This was fine, even enjoyable, until earlier today. As I was walking home from ingesting one of your (debatably) fine sandwiches, I began to experience an acute pain in my rectum. I sucked it up (referring to the act of clenching one's buttocks to prevent the possibility of anal leakage) and hurried back to my room. Luckily, I was recently moved to a single with my own washroom, where I proceeded to projectile shit my brains out for approx. 15 minutes. Now, this was not alarming to me. I wiped (which was quite challenging due to the liquidity of my feces) and pulled my trousers up and washed my hands and went about studying for my midterm (which is tomorrow). Approx. 15-20 minutes later I felt a familiar feeling in my hindquarters. Again I sucked it up, but this time without prevail. I leaped to the toilet and again was plagued by an awful bout of the squirts, which can only be described as the single most painfully burning sensation I have experienced in, on or around my anus (excluding the night I spent in jail). This was followed by a moderate amount of vomiting which resulted in me lying on the bathroom floor, covered in mustard colored poop the consistency of jello and similarly hued vomit wishing my mother was present to clean me up. I do not have any symptoms of a flu-like virus or any other symptoms in general. You will be receiving a package in the next few days containing samples (I defecated in it) and also photographic evidence. The course of action you take from there is up to you, but I would suggest a full reimbursement for the eight (8) sandwiches I have purchased in the previous four days. They have all been Spicy Italian 6-inches on Italian Herbs & Cheese. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
C. Nelson esq.
10.28.2010
blank
qSorry, my mind has been blank for a few days. I feel tired all the time for some stupid reason. Anyway, I'm dropping chem and going to have some more time to do things. Over winter break my friends and I are planning to go down to a little bunny hill in Michigan and rent a dirt nasty house with a hot tub and sauna and everything. It's going to be pretty insane, kinda like a five day par-tay.
I was reading Jillan's blog and she said that she takes offense to my previous comment (well, not actual offense, but like a half reaction, on one hand she acknowledges the trend but on the other hand isn't necessarily appreciative of the "this is arts student's fate" attitude, which contrary to what you may think I do not have). But anyway, she asked a question along the lines of "do engineering students not need creativity?" Which is a valid question, but I propose that sciences and mathematics and engineering all take a whole different kind of creativity. Instead of a blank canvas there are rules, and to be a valuable and sought after engineer you need to be able to break and follow the rules at the same time. Creativity with parameters that can only be changed through trial and error. I don't know, work is about to end and I'm leaving.
I was reading Jillan's blog and she said that she takes offense to my previous comment (well, not actual offense, but like a half reaction, on one hand she acknowledges the trend but on the other hand isn't necessarily appreciative of the "this is arts student's fate" attitude, which contrary to what you may think I do not have). But anyway, she asked a question along the lines of "do engineering students not need creativity?" Which is a valid question, but I propose that sciences and mathematics and engineering all take a whole different kind of creativity. Instead of a blank canvas there are rules, and to be a valuable and sought after engineer you need to be able to break and follow the rules at the same time. Creativity with parameters that can only be changed through trial and error. I don't know, work is about to end and I'm leaving.
10.25.2010
chem midterm tomorrow
What I am most scared of is missing life. There are so many things I want to do and I feel like I'm already running out of time.
a few things
Dear Liberal Arts Majors,
I'd like a venti latte with no foam.
Sincerely, Engineering Majors
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Also, apparently, to have a successful blog you are supposed to post three times a day. I guess I'll have to start that.
p.s. Jillan, this isn't ready yet! It's still in the creation stage.
10.23.2010
10.21.2010
feeling ineffable
LIVE for today and pray, pray, pray that there is a tomorrow.
I really wish someone would look inside me to see if everything is working okay.
I really wish someone would look inside me to see if everything is working okay.
10.20.2010
feeling better
I am feeling much better. I have decided to try and write something. I had an idea and was going to turn it into a short paragraph maybe, but with a little encouragement in the form of a compliment I think I will pursue more this time. I don't know if I will be posting it, but hey, what does it matter really?
I recently discovered a cover of Smokey Robinson & the Miracles' "I Second That Emotion" by a woman named Emilie Movers. She is pretty good, here is one of her other songs.
http://www.youtube.com/user/emiliemovermusic
I recently discovered a cover of Smokey Robinson & the Miracles' "I Second That Emotion" by a woman named Emilie Movers. She is pretty good, here is one of her other songs.
http://www.youtube.com/user/emiliemovermusic
the annimal inside of me?
BACK home there was a girl I used to date named Annie Goodman. I really do believe, and I know when this comes out of the mouth of a child it is often thought of as meaningless due to the lack of experience and maturity of the speaker, but I really do believe I am quite in love with her. I was before and I am still. If anything now I feel more strongly about her. It makes me sad to be away from her. I think about us all the time. Not actually all the time, but multiple times during the day. When I wake up and before I fall asleep, every time I see a girl wearing glasses or who is short or who has a hot ass. I wish and I dream...
THE only thing I can (seemingly) recall seriously dreaming about being, not just the becoming, is a writer.
I am feeling very alone. It's overwhelming. I've started smoking much more than I used to (a social crutch in my mind) and am constantly craving artificial escape. I guess it really is my own fault, seeing as I was evicted from my prior residence and thus successfully isolated myself from everyone that I knew. But still, I just feel that no one is seeking out my company. Which stinks. I miss my friends. I miss commandeering the attention of the group and talking until someone stops me. I miss acid. I miss getting high before school. And during school. And after school. And in my room. And in the shower. Fuck, I miss getting in trouble. I miss having someone want to know where I am and what I'm doing. But mostly I just miss being able to vent all my crappy emotions. I was about to, but the timing didn't work out. Oh well, maybe it's a sign? Unlikely, a coincidence is the word I was searching for. Funk, it's late. I need my sleep. I'm getting sick.
THIS is really just an outlet for me.
ON a lighter note, I just downloaded Jillan's friend's mixtape "Pré: Everyday." He is actually much, much more talented than I originally pegged him to be. The pretentious side of me showing right there.
THE only thing I can (seemingly) recall seriously dreaming about being, not just the becoming, is a writer.
I am feeling very alone. It's overwhelming. I've started smoking much more than I used to (a social crutch in my mind) and am constantly craving artificial escape. I guess it really is my own fault, seeing as I was evicted from my prior residence and thus successfully isolated myself from everyone that I knew. But still, I just feel that no one is seeking out my company. Which stinks. I miss my friends. I miss commandeering the attention of the group and talking until someone stops me. I miss acid. I miss getting high before school. And during school. And after school. And in my room. And in the shower. Fuck, I miss getting in trouble. I miss having someone want to know where I am and what I'm doing. But mostly I just miss being able to vent all my crappy emotions. I was about to, but the timing didn't work out. Oh well, maybe it's a sign? Unlikely, a coincidence is the word I was searching for. Funk, it's late. I need my sleep. I'm getting sick.
THIS is really just an outlet for me.
ON a lighter note, I just downloaded Jillan's friend's mixtape "Pré: Everyday." He is actually much, much more talented than I originally pegged him to be. The pretentious side of me showing right there.
10.18.2010
paradoxes and the rules of life
HERE is where I got the idea for aninformalschoolcalledlife.blogspot.com (the name, I was motivated to create a blog by Jillan Watts)
I am not sure who wrote this, but there is some validity
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. Then you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here," When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that again, looks better than "here."
7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. The answers lie inside you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this
I don't really like the last rule, but hey, I didn't write them
I stumbled (stumbleupon.com) a list of paradoxes on the internet (wikipedia, to be exact). They make me think and I like that. Here are my favorites (for my nonexistent following).
Paradox of hedonism: When one pursues happiness itself, one is miserable; but, when one pursues something else, one achieves happiness
Paradox of intolerance: Should one tolerate intolerance; if intolerance would destroy the possibility of tolerance?
Friendship paradox: For almost everyone, their friends have more friends than they do
I am not sure who wrote this, but there is some validity
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. Then you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here," When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that again, looks better than "here."
7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. The answers lie inside you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this
I don't really like the last rule, but hey, I didn't write them
I stumbled (stumbleupon.com) a list of paradoxes on the internet (wikipedia, to be exact). They make me think and I like that. Here are my favorites (for my nonexistent following).
Paradox of hedonism: When one pursues happiness itself, one is miserable; but, when one pursues something else, one achieves happiness
Paradox of intolerance: Should one tolerate intolerance; if intolerance would destroy the possibility of tolerance?
Friendship paradox: For almost everyone, their friends have more friends than they do
10.17.2010
dark humor
THE darkest thing I can find humor in is someone trying to sell drugs at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. I think it's because I've never killed anyone with an axe.
10.16.2010
two things i would like to share
TWO things I would like to share
THE first is the realization that some of the nicest things I have ever heard someone say about me were said behind my back and I heard them second hand.
THE second is when I heard my little brother say "Please bring my real brother back," I knew that something had to change.
THE first is the realization that some of the nicest things I have ever heard someone say about me were said behind my back and I heard them second hand.
THE second is when I heard my little brother say "Please bring my real brother back," I knew that something had to change.
I really wonder if anyone will ever see this other than myself, and I wonder if I will be able to be honest as well.
WELL, I recently arrived for my first year away from home (Chicago, IL) at the University of Alberta (Edmonton, AB). As my freshman year of high school went, I kind of ducked things up, and am currently dealing with the consequential, well, consequences. Really just trying to take things as they come to me and not worry too much about things like, "do I have any real friends?" or "why am I even here?"
ANYWAY, I was influenced to create this by a girl named Jillan Watts aka JayDubz. I'd call her my friend. But really I can't think about it too much because I really start to doubt myself. I at least feel somewhat natural around her. And I think she likes me too for the most part, or at least I hope she does.
ABOUT myself a little: I'm 18, an American in Canada, enjoy reading and thinking, value being alone and the opportunity to self reflect but am generally happiest around others, I like being with people I know but not really shitheads, and lastly, I love cats.
ANYWAY, I was influenced to create this by a girl named Jillan Watts aka JayDubz. I'd call her my friend. But really I can't think about it too much because I really start to doubt myself. I at least feel somewhat natural around her. And I think she likes me too for the most part, or at least I hope she does.
ABOUT myself a little: I'm 18, an American in Canada, enjoy reading and thinking, value being alone and the opportunity to self reflect but am generally happiest around others, I like being with people I know but not really shitheads, and lastly, I love cats.
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